Can Purell be used as lube?
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
