Just cropdusted the office
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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