He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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