There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
