Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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