Sponge bath it is.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
