btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
