Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
