Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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