i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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