Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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