at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
