if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
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