I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I AM VODKA MAN
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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