You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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