I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize
