i wish starbucks made bloody marys
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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