fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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