I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
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