apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
