I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
