you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
