your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Randomize
