I've blown a few things in my day
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
