I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
