I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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