the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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