Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
