Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
You ruined the universe
Randomize