thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Randomize
