dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
