I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
