soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize