Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Screwed.edu
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
