I should be sponsored by Trojan
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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