so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Why is there bacon in the couch?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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