Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
