Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
