Your dad touched me again.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
time to smoke my breakfast
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
