i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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