when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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