That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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