Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
