I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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