Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
