Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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