last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
