She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
The cops high fived after they tackled you
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
