He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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