The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize