i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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