Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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