I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Randomize
