do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
