Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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