ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
