We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
