Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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