i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
