Your mouth is God's brothel.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
