Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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