I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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