My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
