how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
