Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize