If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
