I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
