normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Send help, water and tortillas.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
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