I'm laying in your front yard are you home
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
