Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
