he shaved USA in his pubs
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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