im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
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