i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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