just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
