Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
