Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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