i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
